As in the chapter two weeks ago (“Oughting’), I’m on the freeway again. Again, I give a signal, need to pass, but the car in my passing lane (behind and to my left) speeds up to prevent me from passing. I’m late, folks are expecting me. Anger wells up; I imagine slamming on my brakes. I want to shoot the guy the bird. Then I begin to “ought,” both on myself and on him.
But this time, for once, I can track the anger back to its source. Keeping me from getting to my meeting on time, the driver is limiting my goal: to impress the people, make them think highly of me. Once I trace my anger to its real origin (in this case, a fear of being disliked), it disappears with no effort from me. Surprisingly, I am peaceful again. The guy in the other car is okay with me. (I probably won’t even be late!)
Monitoring yourself is really an amazing process. Simply to see a thought or emotion clearly, without evaluating, defending or judging it, is a powerful experience, often with valuable consequences. Seeing a fear or expectation or attachment clearly seems to simultaneously remind me that it is out of my control; the wind goes out of that sail; kinda like it's still there but has no power.
Somehow, when I get it that I can't guarantee an outcome, a moment comes: cling or let go. In that hair‑trigger instant, if I can release, it is very nice; I know I’ve had a sane moment, a flicker of enlightenment, a blessing from God, a Touch of the Spirit. Lucky me!
If, however, this powerlessness makes me panic and grab for some straw, there'll be another chance to let go in just a few minutes. I get to check myself out about every few minutes!
What you are aware of, you can control;
what you are not aware of, controls you.
Anthony de Mello
The Way to Love
The eye is the light of the body.
Jesus (Luke 11:34)
Whoever knows himself knows God.
Muhammed
So much spiritual talk sounds good, but includes no hint about putting it into practice. Maybe it’s too perfectionist to execute, or maybe it’s been expressed in ways that are too abstract. So when one of the great truths “comes true” in living, it’s a good day. Here’s one of mine.