A Tale

I am embarrassed to tell you this story. I was raised in a tiny East Texas dairy town, and had never known a single Asian person. That changed the day I entered the mega‑university in Austin. My response when I stood in line to register for classes? I mumbled to a friend who'd chosen the same university: “They all look alike.” Since he shared my provincial childhood, he agreed.

But as soon as I formed a friendship with a beautiful lady from Japan, all-of-a-sudden Cambodians, Vietnamese, Japanese, Chinese miraculously differentiated: no one looked alike! They were as varied as white folks. Amazing. My “map” of “Asian person” had become much more complex. And a little more accurate.

The Tale Wagged

It’s so easy to spot other people’s inaccurate maps: you may have had a grandparent who said, “All Jews are out to cheat you,” or “White folks never say what they mean.” You couldn't believe how prejudiced they were.

Faults in our own maps, however, may not be so obvious. Maybe you wonder if men really are from Mars or if women do come from Venus. Too easy? The tough deceptions are more subtle, as in “My boss always makes the bottom‑line more important than people,” or “My kids can’t be happy unless they go to college,” or “I always get depressed if I don’t get enough sleep.”

Each of these depictions of reality is inaccurate. Some may help me function (for example, I should get a good night’s sleep ‑ most of the time), but every single map will get me into trouble when (not "if") I mistake it for the real world. I know an intelligent lady who actually shivers when she hears the word, “scorpion.” She cannot easily distinguish the word from the presence of an actual, poisonous insect.

The other thing about maps is that different ones can point equally well to one reality. For example, on a hot summer’s day, you might find your way to a cool lake for a swim thanks to a black and white map, a color map, directions from a friend, a new map, a map that’s fifty years old, even a map in a foreign language.

Letting go of a poor map is the first step to connecting to reality. And when a map has become so powerful for you that it can usurp important realities (like my friend's fear, or how my son needs to be loved, or who God is, to take three examples), that map has become a big, big problem.

Yeah, but how do we put it into practice?

Echoes

Man is the only creature that
refuses to be what he is.
Albert Camus

The map is not the territory.
Alfred Korzybski

It can be so difficult to see that a concept I hold dearly is not an accurate depiction of reality. It has such power! It’s so convincing! It’s gotta be true! All my friends agree that it's accurate!