Angela, five years old, loves strawberries. She also loves her two goldfish. When she started to feed them bits of strawberries, we had a hard time explaining that fish might get sick or even die if they ate strawberries. She was meeting the reality of boundaries, seeing that what was good for her might not be good for someone else, even though she loved them. Clearly, not being able to share such beautiful strawberries with Hippy and Spotty made her lonely. Watching their delight with fish flakes and blood worms helped. But, as you may have guessed, she soon decided to eat fish flakes and blood worms, in her eagerness to remove the boundaries between fish and little girls.
It’s wise to take great care before allowing someone or something access to my inner self. We have all welcomed “bulls into our china closets,” only to spend a long time trying to repair all the damage. Seldom have I looked back and said, “That sacrifice was a benefit.” Usually, the “bull” had no real use for my “china” at all! Boundaries offer necessary protection from the assaults of a sometimes hostile world.
How do I spot a “Boundary Issue?” It feels like wanting to throw away all my furniture so I can move in with somebody else. Falling in love. Being overwhelmed by something new. In me, boundary issues often look like Impulsiveness.
The opposite boundary issue is building “walls” that create a rigid boundary, isolating me so well that nothing can come in or go out. [See next week.]
Whenever possible, permeable boundaries are best ‑ strong walls, a good roof with a patio that enjoys full access to the sky, lockable gates, clean windows ‑ any of these metaphors will take better care of you.
Instead of “moving in,” I just visit! My home is nice, too — I’m building it behind my eyes.
Good fences make good neighbors.
Robert Frost
The Poetry of Robert Frost
Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, for they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.
Jesus, Matthew 7:6
